I love real Christmas Trees!

I love Christmas Trees! I am pretty pick be cause I will not have a fake tree ever! I love going to get them but the last few year I haven't been able to go to the mountains! I am greatful to my Grandpa who cut this tree down for me a little bit illegally! But I love him just the same! My Dad picked this tree out for me!

It is a tad big! 

Right after this I dropped this tree on Alex because the wind was blowing to hard! 

Ryan was nice enough to cut this tree for me to fit in my house! The only problem was we are not the same size!  He looks so cute! 

All its glory! 

I love it! 

The Snowflake top! (Kenna stole my star! Or took her star back! Depending on who's story you would believe!)  

Love it! 

Love all my ornaments!

Thanksgiving and Frozen!

We all know my favorite thing about Thanksgiving is stuffing! It is the only thing that will get me up out bed so early! I love the people that come to the senior citizen center! Both the family and our regulars! But I have to say this little girl who was my favorite!

 After this Thanksgiving we went to Frozen! My new favorite Disney meeting! 

This is the happy crew!

Best Friends

Anyone who knows me know I have a Best Friend that stayed with me for about 23 years!  When I was 5 I moved into the house that my parents still live in! And even though there is a bit of disagreeing on who initiated the meeting met, we met when we were five! There are people in this world that you are destined to met, it part of Heavenly Fathers plan! Natalie is this person to me! Some times people who first met us can't believe that we are best friends because of the way we treat each other but that is how Natalie and I are! It has always been that way! Our Sunday school teacher used to us "Let us all speak kind words to each other"! But I know that there is no one in this world that has my back quite like Natalie!

 I know that there is no one who understands me quite like Natalie! I have to say that there would have been no way I could have survived junior high without Natalie! In high school she used to say that there was a special place in Heaven for her for being mine friend! I would quickly reply yes right in the mansion next to mine! As adults our relationship has changed but I think it think it is stronger! Natalie is still the person who is there when I need her the most! She is still the person who will let me talk and tell the same stories over and over again because I need to process them! She still rolls her eyes every time that I volunteer her for something (somethings will never change)! She is still the person who will never let me forget when I have said something stupid! She is still the person who finds me funny when I am not really that funny! I have other best friends who I love dearly, but the highest spot will always go to Natalie she has earned it! 23 years with me is a long time. I am truly greatful that she puts up with me, because I wouldn't be me without Natalie!

I did it! Number 4!

I did it I went on 4 dates this year! A very small feat to the world but it is pretty amazing for myself! As I relflect on these dates they weren't as hard as I thought it would be! But that is the thing with Anxiety, it isn't about logical you know it doesn't make sense but you still feel it! I shed a few tears but probably the most on this last date cause of coarse this had to be the kicker! So if you have read this blog in the last year you may have heard of my friend, Justin. After some strong encouragement from friends (even Natalie's coworkers) I decided it I would ask him! The was the first time I would have to do the whole thing all the way through! The asking the planning every thing! I went down to Utah to see Melissa (at the first of November) and I was felling exceptionally brave so I made the goal that Sunday to call the next day after work! After some great encouragement I did finally call him! I prayed that he wouldn't answer the phone and he didn't which is what I asked for but it created a little bit more anxiety because if he didn't call back what was I going to do! But he did call back! It was a pretty awkward execution but I did ask him if he would go out with me! He said yes and then we planned it for Thursday! But on Tuesday he canceled because he had play practice he didn't know about! So then the date was postponed to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving! AHHHHH! Which for a normal person would be fine but me I struggled! I really wanted to cancel but I didn't want to have to call him again! My anxiety was out of control at times but I think it was very important that I learn that I can handle it! I felt like I needed to go on this date not nessicarly because of the boy but for myself! I needed to know that I am bigger then my anxiety! My will power/faith is bigger then my fear and it doesn't control me! Finally when the date came I didn't cry! I was super proud of myself! It was very difficult to decide on what to do so I just stuck with something super easy and that I loved! We went to 5th street bagelry! We talked a lot! Both Justin and I are talkers! But it felt  very comfortable! On this date we discussed polictics (only a little), how the dinner party was a date (the world was right and I was wrong!), how awkard it is for me when he called me babe and honey! Pretty much everything! When went to my back to my house and I gave him a long list of things we could do and then through in paper hand turkeys just or Natalie to be funny! He chose the paper turkeys!

I am not very good! I mostly copied Justin! Mine is orange and Justin's was black!

 So over all the date was great I was very so greatful to be done! I even have a whole moth left to just have fun not anxiety! Wooo Whooo! I am very proud of myself for doing things that I didn't want too! I feel like I am taking my anxiety in my hands and making it smaller! It won't ever be gone but I know that I can concur it! I am a Daughter of God and can do anything I want to! Because my Heavenly Father loves me!  

Believe in...

Sometimes I struggle! Like seriously with anxiety and loneliness, pretty much life. It doesn't happen all the time it is mostly when I am alone in my room at night! What always stops it from getting to bad is I am surrounded by people who believe in me! They are my friends! I have the best friends in the world! They are more then just friends they are family (they just can't come to Indian Creek)! They keep me solid when I don't want to be! They laugh at my ridiculousness and love me for who I am! They let me talk and work things out even when I talk about the same things over and over again! I would not be the person I am today without them! My family loves me no matter what! The poor people get the worst side of me and they still love me! I feel their love all the time! It is what pulls me from the dark places and set my emotions right! It tells me what I think I am feeling is not right. I am loved by a huge group of people who would go to bat so me anytime! Family reminds me that my Heavenly Father loves me! That it doesn't matter that I fail in the same things all the time! I know that the Savior know us! I know that the love he has for us we don't fully comprehend but if we turn to him we can find peace and love! Words can not express how thankful I am for the people that believe in me.

Kyle

So Kyle sends the most Random things in packages! He is super funny!

This are empty boxes of matches! Yes empty boxes about 9 of them home! 

Some dish towels for my mom, 2 pairs of his cowboy boots! And Bag Balm! Why because it cost $10 and he didn't want keep it but he also didn't want to throw it away! 

Cups! As a early Christmas Present! Why for two reasons! 1st because Nathan loves the cups at our house! 2nd you can never have too many cups!

So I decided to send him a shirt! In his package just about as random as him! 

I drew a tree first then a deer/elk/reindeer! I decided to label everything just incase he didn't understand! 

I drew Idaho! I love Idaho! 

This is a horrible picture of Texas! That is why I love Idaho Best! 

Karlee and I! We both made shirts! 

And a volleyball I was quite proud of myself!

I sent this all today along with stuff my parents gathered for him! I forgot to send a letter with the package! I am a horrible sister!

Stake Conference Talk

      A few weeks ago I got a call from one of the members of the stake presidency! I thought about not calling back I convinced myself that if I was going to talk in stake conference they would have called more then just a week ahead! Lies! They were calling just a week ahead! My topic was how institute made me a more covenant person! HARD! 10 to 12 minutes! I am not going to lie it was hard to prepare for this talk because I couldn't really go to the scriptures on how institute help me be a better person! Natalie really helped me write the talk we talked about all the classes we have been in and what we learned from them! Jill helped with that too! I went to the temple to think about the structure and what people needed to hear from me!
   I was super nervous! I was almost late because I was taking so long to get ready! It was a little rough! May different people have asked me how it went! It is always so hard to tell how your talks go so let me just share a few highlights! During the talk I told the whole state that I am really bad at talking to boys! I know that my arms were flaring because I could see my mom trying to get me to hold them! Then I preceded to tell the whole state that my mom was telling me to hold me hands! The first was a little bumpy! I think to think that I pulled it together at the end but I am not sure it happened! The reviews from people have been overwhelmingly good but sometimes when that happens it makes you wonder if that was because it really was good or because they all felt bad for me!
    I just got a letter from the stake presidency that I would like to share not to brag or anything like that I am sure they sent this to every speaker but to remember it in my blog book! Things like this won't happen to me again! The first part cracks me up:

Sister Melissa Wilding
Speaker (Just in case I forgot what I did)

Dear Melissa,
    We would like to express our appreciation to you for the wisdom and council you shared with us in state conference.

Your preparation was evident by the spirit you brought with you as you taught each of us about the importance of Institute and how it has affected and strengthened you. It was very inspiring.

Many lives are touched in conference by the gospel messages given, and yours was one that touched us.

Thank you again. We appreciate your continued faithfulness and willingness to give of your time and talents. May the Lord continue to bless you for your example to others!
(Then it was signed my our state presidency)

I thought that was very nice of them to write this letter! It makes me feel like my talk might have been better then I thought it was!