I did it! Number 4!

I did it I went on 4 dates this year! A very small feat to the world but it is pretty amazing for myself! As I relflect on these dates they weren't as hard as I thought it would be! But that is the thing with Anxiety, it isn't about logical you know it doesn't make sense but you still feel it! I shed a few tears but probably the most on this last date cause of coarse this had to be the kicker! So if you have read this blog in the last year you may have heard of my friend, Justin. After some strong encouragement from friends (even Natalie's coworkers) I decided it I would ask him! The was the first time I would have to do the whole thing all the way through! The asking the planning every thing! I went down to Utah to see Melissa (at the first of November) and I was felling exceptionally brave so I made the goal that Sunday to call the next day after work! After some great encouragement I did finally call him! I prayed that he wouldn't answer the phone and he didn't which is what I asked for but it created a little bit more anxiety because if he didn't call back what was I going to do! But he did call back! It was a pretty awkward execution but I did ask him if he would go out with me! He said yes and then we planned it for Thursday! But on Tuesday he canceled because he had play practice he didn't know about! So then the date was postponed to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving! AHHHHH! Which for a normal person would be fine but me I struggled! I really wanted to cancel but I didn't want to have to call him again! My anxiety was out of control at times but I think it was very important that I learn that I can handle it! I felt like I needed to go on this date not nessicarly because of the boy but for myself! I needed to know that I am bigger then my anxiety! My will power/faith is bigger then my fear and it doesn't control me! Finally when the date came I didn't cry! I was super proud of myself! It was very difficult to decide on what to do so I just stuck with something super easy and that I loved! We went to 5th street bagelry! We talked a lot! Both Justin and I are talkers! But it felt  very comfortable! On this date we discussed polictics (only a little), how the dinner party was a date (the world was right and I was wrong!), how awkard it is for me when he called me babe and honey! Pretty much everything! When went to my back to my house and I gave him a long list of things we could do and then through in paper hand turkeys just or Natalie to be funny! He chose the paper turkeys!

I am not very good! I mostly copied Justin! Mine is orange and Justin's was black!

 So over all the date was great I was very so greatful to be done! I even have a whole moth left to just have fun not anxiety! Wooo Whooo! I am very proud of myself for doing things that I didn't want too! I feel like I am taking my anxiety in my hands and making it smaller! It won't ever be gone but I know that I can concur it! I am a Daughter of God and can do anything I want to! Because my Heavenly Father loves me!